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I wish I could speak the words I feel to you
I wish I could open my mouth and let you know
I wish you could do the same too
But no. We both let the silence devour us
My heart aches for three words you haven’t said to me in a while
Sure, you may say it quickly when leaving.
But I’m talking about the genuine “Selena, I love you”

I can’t bring myself to utter the words.
I sit here, as my eyes begin to fill with tears
I stand up, I just can’t take anymore.
My back turns to you as I walk away.
Then I hear, “Selena, wait.”

My heart skips a beat as I hope and pray for the words I need you to say.
“Don’t forget…” you begin to say.
I hold my breath in utter silence.
“I’m teaching Sunday School today. You’ll be sitting by yourself this service.”
“Okay” is all I can mutter as I walk away.

My eyes water more, and my heart breaks.
A girl’s hope is to hear her dad say “I love you.”
Maybe that’s just too much to ask for?

What it's like to miss a Best Friend~

I remember when we said forever.
Little did we know, that almost 10 years later it would all crumble and vanish
Life is funny. The way it can slowly kill someone from the inside out is just so clever.
The fact that me and you are no more, is just crazy. I sit here completely shattered.
Day-by-day I’m now trying to live life knowing you’re not here with me. I’m stranded by myself in a desert.
Is it wrong to say I need you just as much as you need me?


What I would give to have you by my side again.
We have so many jokes we can’t even keep track
Our long nights spent talking? I can’t even begin
We’re both fighting a war and losing.
We’re fighting a war that isn’t worth fighting for.

I need you like a fat cake eats chocolate.
And I know you need me too.
To have the guts to send these words of love to you?
I won’t….
But I miss you.
Don’t forget.
Just because we stopped talking doesn’t mean I stopped being your friend…

-Written By:
Selena Strohl

Losing a best friend ~

I sit here as the tears flow down my cheeks.
"Be strong," they're telling me.
"You can do it without her," they keep repeating
But I lost a pice of me.
"Have a nice life" was probably the most chanllenging to to ever say.
To hit that send button and just move on?
Never gonna happen.
Losing my best friend has probably been one of the worst things ever for me....

Trust ~

Trust is a powerful thing.
It can heal and destroy it can create and end.
'trust no one' is what I've learned.
Because eventually everyone ends up hurting you.
I hate having to live life this way because I need someone now.
But there's no one there.
My eyes stare at the knife as they begin to water.
I swore I'd stop but the pain is my escape.
I want to be happy
I want to leave
I want people to believe in me
I want to be loved like I am in Arizona.
I want to be accepted.
I want to grow up and be who I am.
I want to live my life without my family judging or rejecting me.
I want to move forward with a smile.
But I take one step forward and 10 steps back,
I take a 'leap of faith' and I land on my face,
I take a chance and I get stabbed in the heart,
I take the risk of trusting, and I'm slapped in the face,
I take the chance to love and I'm hated,
I take the risk of being honest and I'm rejected.
But I need to be accepted,
I need to be loved like the daughter I was meant to be,
I need to be heard,
I need parents who accept me no matter what,
I need family who encourages my dreams instead of tear them down,
I need my father back,
I need grandma Becky.
I need a shoulder to cry on, but one that won't shy away after.
But I need to be strong,
I need to learn these things will never be,
I need to be slapped for wishing,
I need to be disowned for believing in something that will never be,
I need to be just like everyone else,
I need to just do what I'm told and never live my own life chasing my dreams.
I want to be trusted.
But I won't be trusted,
I won't be given the family I need,
I won't be given the shoulder I yearn for.
The paper is my only friend,
And my tears are my only companions,
The knife is my enemy yet my best friend.
I'm broken yet complete, perfect at imperfections.
That's me.

-Selena Strohl

A day to be young again ~

One day is all I ask.
A day to pretend.
A day to be a little girl again.
I can laugh and imagine that everything is just perfect.
That my family isn't broken and my life isn't in shambles.
A day to forget that I'm a mistake. Even a couple hours would do.
Just a little time to escape the pain. The hurt and rejection.
The confusion of life and the fear of moving on.
Yet I still live in the past.
I want my past to be forgotten. Even if only for a few minutes.
A moment of peace would be the world to me.
One more chance to laugh real.
One more chance to smile and really mean it.
A chance to look in the mirror and not hate what I see.
A chance to be everything everyone wanted me to be.
A day to be free.
A day to be accepted for me.
A day to not be judged.
A day to be the little innocent girl I used to be.
The day to not have a care in the world to just pretend to be a princess and my worst problems were that my cookie was taken from me.
A time that seemed thousands of years ago, when everyone got along.
A day to not have to live my life a lie.
To put on a little play crown and play.
A day to truly be happy again.

-Selena Strohl

Me

Loud yet quiet, unique yet like everyone else. Ive been hurt, lied to and all the above. Ihave secrets that no one knows, sudden memories of things that happened a long time ago. Fears of future yet excitement to move on. Alone in a big world, yet many stand with me. Broken yet complete, perfect at imperfections. That's me. ~

Take me as I am~

Take me as I am please?
I can't change what you see.
I know I don't have the perfect face.
I don't have the perfect body.
I have a lot of scars, and people call me the four eyes from mars.
But take me as I am, that's all I ask.
If you do then you can see who I really am under my mask.
I'm a girl who's been hurt.
But I refuse to turn into a jerk.
I've been backstabbed by some of my closest friends.
But instead if becoming angry, I forgave and let time mend.
If you would just take me as I am!!
I may have fallen but I always get back up.
I led a bad example to someone I love.
But I try and seal it with an "I'm sorry" and hug.
I failed my parents again, and I got out of line, but I always remember that mommy and daddy are mine!!
If you can take me as I am, you will see, that there's only one me!!
I love to make people laugh and cheer them up when their sad.
Nobody gets left behind, that's something that's stuck in my mind.
I may have not been through it all, but you will always see my hand outstretched when you fall.
I don't allow suicide.
I will shine the light and fight to death just to keep you alive.
But only when you can take me for me!!
Please, take me as I am and I won't have to pretend.
I can take my mask off and you will see, that deep down I'm a soft girl.
Maybe even more?
But please, I don't want to be torn.
All because you won't love me for me.
All I ask is that you take me as I am and all my dreams can be.
Because, just because, you love me.

Selena come home please !
We miss you and want you back.
But remember you can't do this or that.
You can't be yourself and u can't be who u wanna be.
But you can still come home.
It feels like someone has died with you gone.
Will you please come back ? Oh yes mom.
I'll hide who I am.
I've done it for this long.
I can do it again.
But why should I have to ?
Why can't I be who I wanna be.
Doesn't pastor always preach on not wearing a mask?
Well I've taken mine off and now you can't bear to see me without my mask. I can't be my true self no more.
Not around you.
I can be me around everyone else but not you.
Why can't I be the person I want to be around my own mother.
My flesh and blood.
The person who gave birth to me.
The one who went through pain just to bring me into this world.
And I don't mean just physical pain.
You went to emotional, spiritual, and physical.
You went through all this to bring me here so I can fulfill and be the person u couldn't.
But how am I supposed to do that when I can't me ??
Please mom.
Just take me for me

My mask~

“Just be yourself” they say. But how can I? When I can’t even stand me?
“Don’t be somebody your not” I always hear. But how can I? When I don’t even know who I am with the mask off.
“Okay Selena, your turn to pray, just say what you feel” he tells me.
“I love you Lord and thank you for another day. Please help me with my music,” I say “Please forgive me for the things I’ve done, I want to make it to your kingdom. I’ll try and follow your word as much as I can, and be a good example to every man.” Then I say amen.
After family devotion I go in my room and cuss to my friends.
I turn on the radio and put on music I know is wrong.
But at church on Sunday and Wednesday, I’ll be a saint.
Praying, helping, and putting my mask back on.
I act like there’s nothing wrong. Like I don’t care anger, hatred, pain, the list goes on.
I fool everyone but Brother Graham and Pastor.
They know something is wrong inside, and they know I’m not right.
I don’t know how, I guess its God.
But I just can’t seem to stop.
Maybe one day, I’ll be brave enough to take my mask off.


-Written By:

Selena Strohl

Forgiveness from daddy

A father’s heart can be full of things
There could be pain, hatred, hurt, love kindness…
Well, all kinds of things.
But a step-father who thinks of his step-daughter as his own is one that truly does love.
The hard part is when the step-daughter treats the man who was been the one to love and raise her with hatred.
Yet, she truly does love him…
I just don’t know how to show it.
I’m sorry for the words I've said,
I’m sorry for always butting my head
I regret treating u bad….
All u did was love me
You were my dad.
If you can forgive me…I would still like you to be my dad.
Whether or not I'm home…I still want you to be the one
Who will always be there for me
The grandpa of my daughter/son
The one who scolds yet loves…and sees what I can be
The one who protects me
The one who doesn’t hate me because I left.
I want you to walk me down the aisle in the years to come
I want you Richard Leland Unger to be the one I can call upon
I ask for your forgiveness for the mistakes I've done.
I ask….please for everything….
Can you please let it go?
I don’t know if I would be able to survive if you didn’t.
Please…daddy…

I love you.

I will not cry ~

I will not cry I tell myself.
Just hold it all in.
Nobody looks good while they cry.
And it’s not the “in” thing to do.
Nobody cares about what’s inside anyways.
My parents are out of the question, and God seems to be gone.
Even though the scripture says “I will never leave nor forsake you” He’s nowhere at all.
I need him the most now, but he’s gone,
I’m teetering on the edge of life and death.
Why does this world have to be filled with so much pain and anger?!
The preacher preaches, but I feel nothing at all.
I go through the motions at church hoping people will fall for it once again.
“How are you doing, Selena” they ask.
“Oh, I’m good” I reply and move on.
When really I’m doing bad inside, and it’s all I can do to not cry


-Written By:

Selena Strohl

My Mother ~

Mom, you were the one…to fight to bring me here
And yet I've hurt you more than I can bear
I write not because I feel bad…but because I feel the need to remind you…
I do still love you.
No matter what I do or no matter how much it seems like I don’t,
You are MY mother.
I wouldn’t want someone else…I want Georgina Louise Perez-Unger.
I want the one who struggled through life…who’s not perfect.
The one who has made mistakes.
But she lived and learned.
I may have been an accident…but mom…I was an accident you loved.
I was an accident that you never really regretted.
I was and am your daughter.
You’ve treated me with nothing but love…but look what I've done.
But I know…no matter what I do, you will never hate me.
And believe me, knowing that deep down inside has saved me.
Mom, I'm sorry for hurting you…all I ask is one thing.
Please forgive me…?

About the poems/stories written

All are written by me. Original. Idid not copy anything from anyone, many where written during sertain times in my life. Idont always write at the end "Writte By: Selena Strohl" but ican assure, all are written by me unless stated otherwise, and anything copied will be told~ it will have the name of the original author. That's all(:
-Selena Strohl

The dream of daddy

I remember the day u said" I will always be here"
but then u next thing I know,
we were planning a funeral.
My anger grew, "how could u lie to me" I screamed.
I began life with hurt so deep inside of me.
But no one could see.
The pain I caused to myself.
the scars were hidden.
The Long nights spent...in the darkness of my room with a knife beside me.
The blood staining the floor.
Yet no one knows it but me.
I go on through life with a smile.
With a so called laugh.
Yet no one has seen through it.
When alone ... My tears fall, they hit the ground as I look at your picture. "Daddy. U promised me." is all I can utter.
I fall asleep with his picture next to my heart.
Next thing I know, daddy is embracing me.
Hugging me and saying he loves me.
He talks about the past, present, and the future.
He grabs my hand and takes me down a road called "life" he shows me what I can be.
I watch as I feel daddys arms embrace me.
He lifts me off the ground and I hug him back.
It was like he never left.
He takes me and tells me jokes, he tickles me.
And he kisses my forehead saying "it's time to go back"
I scream and plead "no no!! Let me stay with u! Please daddy I cant live without u! You see my life, it's so hard without u here! Please daddy let me stay here"
I look as his eyes fill with tears, but he still takes my hand and hugs me once again.
He kisses me forehead and next thing I know I'm Lying on my bed.
I stand up and hear the words "never give up. I love u Selena" my lips smile a real smile and my eyes moisten.
For then I have realized daddy has never left.
He was just a dream away. <3

-written by
Selena Strohl ~

Location:In the darkness of night yet in the touch of feelings

I just don't understand.
Why can't I have another chance?
And how are you going to give it to me if you won't listen?
I'm trying to prove myself, but no.
It just doesn't make a difference. I'm tired of trying.
I Domt want to do this.
Here's my token of love: a kiss. It's not much, but it's all I've got. I've numbed myself to all the pain.
I think I've had enough of this rain.
I've failed the game.
I can't press "start" and do it all over again.
That's in fantasy land, the real world is hard.
It's got it's weapons loaded with fire.
And their firing at me.
Well, the world has hurt me enough.
They've stuffed me with enough plastic to be a fake to last me my lifetime.
Is there even really a god?
If so, send me a sign!
I'm tired of being somebody
I'm not.
I've pretended long enough.
No more for me.
I love you all but don't cry. Please.
Thank you for what you've done. I won't forget ... Even in death. One again ... I love you all.

My tears~

The tears fall like a waterfall
They flow as peaceful as a river
But the girl who cried those tears is anything but at peace.
Shes lost her way in life.
Feel my pain" is all she could mutter.
Her susnshine days are gone
The rain In her life flows down her cheeks.
She stares at the picture of her family. "I miss you..." then the tears flow faster.
She lays the picture beside her and turns out the light.
The tears still continue to flow down her face.
she's tired of it.
She wants to go home.
But then she thinks of why she left. She wants to be her own person.
She wants to be the girl whos inside. But then her mind ventures and she wonders "who is the girl inside?"
she doesnt know who the girl in the mirror is.
When she looks in the mirror all she sees is pain failure hurt shame and a stain.
But she knows trying to hide behind her mask isn't right.
Shes willing to take the risk.
Shell sacrifice everything to be who she wants to be.
She doesn't know where she belongs.
But shes moving on. ~

My lie?

Selena come home please ! We miss you and want you back. But remember you can't do this or that. You can't be yourself and u can't be who u wanna be. But you can still come home. It feels like someone has died with you gone. Will you please come back ?
Oh yes mom. I'll hide who I am. I've done it for this long. I can do it again. But why should I have to ? Why can't I be who I wanna be. Doesn't pastor always preach on not wearing a mask. Well I've taken mine off and now you can't bear to see me without my mask. I can't be my true self no more. Not around you. I can be me around everyone else but not you. Why can't I be the person I want to be around my own mother. My flesh and blood. The person who gave birth to me. The one who went through pain just to bring me into this world. And I don't mean just physical pain. You went to emotional, spiritual, and physical. You went through all this to bring me here so I can fulfill and be the person u couldn't. But how am I supposed to do that when I can't me ?? Please mom. Just take me for me.

Just a dream~

Last night I saw you.
You were laughing, hugging, and kissing me.
We were down at the beach, lying on a big blanket you bought me.
We were looking at the stars, that felt like they were shining just for us.
It was then that you sat up and pulled me close to you.
Thats when you whispered in my ear "I love you."
I moved my head and stared into your eyes and saw that what you were saying was true.
Then you pulled me into a beautiful kiss.
After what seemed like forever, you pulled away and smiled.
You wrapped me in your arms.
Feeling safe and secure, I looked back at the stars, which now seemed to be dancing for us.
Even thought neither one of us wanted to leave, we packed up our things.
You took me home with one last kiss for the night.
I lied in bed this morning thinking about everything.
And thinking, to bad it was just a dream.

Location:In the quietness of night