Trust ~

Trust is a powerful thing.
It can heal and destroy it can create and end.
'trust no one' is what I've learned.
Because eventually everyone ends up hurting you.
I hate having to live life this way because I need someone now.
But there's no one there.
My eyes stare at the knife as they begin to water.
I swore I'd stop but the pain is my escape.
I want to be happy
I want to leave
I want people to believe in me
I want to be loved like I am in Arizona.
I want to be accepted.
I want to grow up and be who I am.
I want to live my life without my family judging or rejecting me.
I want to move forward with a smile.
But I take one step forward and 10 steps back,
I take a 'leap of faith' and I land on my face,
I take a chance and I get stabbed in the heart,
I take the risk of trusting, and I'm slapped in the face,
I take the chance to love and I'm hated,
I take the risk of being honest and I'm rejected.
But I need to be accepted,
I need to be loved like the daughter I was meant to be,
I need to be heard,
I need parents who accept me no matter what,
I need family who encourages my dreams instead of tear them down,
I need my father back,
I need grandma Becky.
I need a shoulder to cry on, but one that won't shy away after.
But I need to be strong,
I need to learn these things will never be,
I need to be slapped for wishing,
I need to be disowned for believing in something that will never be,
I need to be just like everyone else,
I need to just do what I'm told and never live my own life chasing my dreams.
I want to be trusted.
But I won't be trusted,
I won't be given the family I need,
I won't be given the shoulder I yearn for.
The paper is my only friend,
And my tears are my only companions,
The knife is my enemy yet my best friend.
I'm broken yet complete, perfect at imperfections.
That's me.

-Selena Strohl

A day to be young again ~

One day is all I ask.
A day to pretend.
A day to be a little girl again.
I can laugh and imagine that everything is just perfect.
That my family isn't broken and my life isn't in shambles.
A day to forget that I'm a mistake. Even a couple hours would do.
Just a little time to escape the pain. The hurt and rejection.
The confusion of life and the fear of moving on.
Yet I still live in the past.
I want my past to be forgotten. Even if only for a few minutes.
A moment of peace would be the world to me.
One more chance to laugh real.
One more chance to smile and really mean it.
A chance to look in the mirror and not hate what I see.
A chance to be everything everyone wanted me to be.
A day to be free.
A day to be accepted for me.
A day to not be judged.
A day to be the little innocent girl I used to be.
The day to not have a care in the world to just pretend to be a princess and my worst problems were that my cookie was taken from me.
A time that seemed thousands of years ago, when everyone got along.
A day to not have to live my life a lie.
To put on a little play crown and play.
A day to truly be happy again.

-Selena Strohl

Me

Loud yet quiet, unique yet like everyone else. Ive been hurt, lied to and all the above. Ihave secrets that no one knows, sudden memories of things that happened a long time ago. Fears of future yet excitement to move on. Alone in a big world, yet many stand with me. Broken yet complete, perfect at imperfections. That's me. ~