Trust ~

Trust is a powerful thing.
It can heal and destroy it can create and end.
'trust no one' is what I've learned.
Because eventually everyone ends up hurting you.
I hate having to live life this way because I need someone now.
But there's no one there.
My eyes stare at the knife as they begin to water.
I swore I'd stop but the pain is my escape.
I want to be happy
I want to leave
I want people to believe in me
I want to be loved like I am in Arizona.
I want to be accepted.
I want to grow up and be who I am.
I want to live my life without my family judging or rejecting me.
I want to move forward with a smile.
But I take one step forward and 10 steps back,
I take a 'leap of faith' and I land on my face,
I take a chance and I get stabbed in the heart,
I take the risk of trusting, and I'm slapped in the face,
I take the chance to love and I'm hated,
I take the risk of being honest and I'm rejected.
But I need to be accepted,
I need to be loved like the daughter I was meant to be,
I need to be heard,
I need parents who accept me no matter what,
I need family who encourages my dreams instead of tear them down,
I need my father back,
I need grandma Becky.
I need a shoulder to cry on, but one that won't shy away after.
But I need to be strong,
I need to learn these things will never be,
I need to be slapped for wishing,
I need to be disowned for believing in something that will never be,
I need to be just like everyone else,
I need to just do what I'm told and never live my own life chasing my dreams.
I want to be trusted.
But I won't be trusted,
I won't be given the family I need,
I won't be given the shoulder I yearn for.
The paper is my only friend,
And my tears are my only companions,
The knife is my enemy yet my best friend.
I'm broken yet complete, perfect at imperfections.
That's me.

-Selena Strohl