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I wish I could speak the words I feel to you
I wish I could open my mouth and let you know
I wish you could do the same too
But no. We both let the silence devour us
My heart aches for three words you haven’t said to me in a while
Sure, you may say it quickly when leaving.
But I’m talking about the genuine “Selena, I love you”

I can’t bring myself to utter the words.
I sit here, as my eyes begin to fill with tears
I stand up, I just can’t take anymore.
My back turns to you as I walk away.
Then I hear, “Selena, wait.”

My heart skips a beat as I hope and pray for the words I need you to say.
“Don’t forget…” you begin to say.
I hold my breath in utter silence.
“I’m teaching Sunday School today. You’ll be sitting by yourself this service.”
“Okay” is all I can mutter as I walk away.

My eyes water more, and my heart breaks.
A girl’s hope is to hear her dad say “I love you.”
Maybe that’s just too much to ask for?

What it's like to miss a Best Friend~

I remember when we said forever.
Little did we know, that almost 10 years later it would all crumble and vanish
Life is funny. The way it can slowly kill someone from the inside out is just so clever.
The fact that me and you are no more, is just crazy. I sit here completely shattered.
Day-by-day I’m now trying to live life knowing you’re not here with me. I’m stranded by myself in a desert.
Is it wrong to say I need you just as much as you need me?


What I would give to have you by my side again.
We have so many jokes we can’t even keep track
Our long nights spent talking? I can’t even begin
We’re both fighting a war and losing.
We’re fighting a war that isn’t worth fighting for.

I need you like a fat cake eats chocolate.
And I know you need me too.
To have the guts to send these words of love to you?
I won’t….
But I miss you.
Don’t forget.
Just because we stopped talking doesn’t mean I stopped being your friend…

-Written By:
Selena Strohl

Losing a best friend ~

I sit here as the tears flow down my cheeks.
"Be strong," they're telling me.
"You can do it without her," they keep repeating
But I lost a pice of me.
"Have a nice life" was probably the most chanllenging to to ever say.
To hit that send button and just move on?
Never gonna happen.
Losing my best friend has probably been one of the worst things ever for me....

Trust ~

Trust is a powerful thing.
It can heal and destroy it can create and end.
'trust no one' is what I've learned.
Because eventually everyone ends up hurting you.
I hate having to live life this way because I need someone now.
But there's no one there.
My eyes stare at the knife as they begin to water.
I swore I'd stop but the pain is my escape.
I want to be happy
I want to leave
I want people to believe in me
I want to be loved like I am in Arizona.
I want to be accepted.
I want to grow up and be who I am.
I want to live my life without my family judging or rejecting me.
I want to move forward with a smile.
But I take one step forward and 10 steps back,
I take a 'leap of faith' and I land on my face,
I take a chance and I get stabbed in the heart,
I take the risk of trusting, and I'm slapped in the face,
I take the chance to love and I'm hated,
I take the risk of being honest and I'm rejected.
But I need to be accepted,
I need to be loved like the daughter I was meant to be,
I need to be heard,
I need parents who accept me no matter what,
I need family who encourages my dreams instead of tear them down,
I need my father back,
I need grandma Becky.
I need a shoulder to cry on, but one that won't shy away after.
But I need to be strong,
I need to learn these things will never be,
I need to be slapped for wishing,
I need to be disowned for believing in something that will never be,
I need to be just like everyone else,
I need to just do what I'm told and never live my own life chasing my dreams.
I want to be trusted.
But I won't be trusted,
I won't be given the family I need,
I won't be given the shoulder I yearn for.
The paper is my only friend,
And my tears are my only companions,
The knife is my enemy yet my best friend.
I'm broken yet complete, perfect at imperfections.
That's me.

-Selena Strohl

A day to be young again ~

One day is all I ask.
A day to pretend.
A day to be a little girl again.
I can laugh and imagine that everything is just perfect.
That my family isn't broken and my life isn't in shambles.
A day to forget that I'm a mistake. Even a couple hours would do.
Just a little time to escape the pain. The hurt and rejection.
The confusion of life and the fear of moving on.
Yet I still live in the past.
I want my past to be forgotten. Even if only for a few minutes.
A moment of peace would be the world to me.
One more chance to laugh real.
One more chance to smile and really mean it.
A chance to look in the mirror and not hate what I see.
A chance to be everything everyone wanted me to be.
A day to be free.
A day to be accepted for me.
A day to not be judged.
A day to be the little innocent girl I used to be.
The day to not have a care in the world to just pretend to be a princess and my worst problems were that my cookie was taken from me.
A time that seemed thousands of years ago, when everyone got along.
A day to not have to live my life a lie.
To put on a little play crown and play.
A day to truly be happy again.

-Selena Strohl

Me

Loud yet quiet, unique yet like everyone else. Ive been hurt, lied to and all the above. Ihave secrets that no one knows, sudden memories of things that happened a long time ago. Fears of future yet excitement to move on. Alone in a big world, yet many stand with me. Broken yet complete, perfect at imperfections. That's me. ~

Take me as I am~

Take me as I am please?
I can't change what you see.
I know I don't have the perfect face.
I don't have the perfect body.
I have a lot of scars, and people call me the four eyes from mars.
But take me as I am, that's all I ask.
If you do then you can see who I really am under my mask.
I'm a girl who's been hurt.
But I refuse to turn into a jerk.
I've been backstabbed by some of my closest friends.
But instead if becoming angry, I forgave and let time mend.
If you would just take me as I am!!
I may have fallen but I always get back up.
I led a bad example to someone I love.
But I try and seal it with an "I'm sorry" and hug.
I failed my parents again, and I got out of line, but I always remember that mommy and daddy are mine!!
If you can take me as I am, you will see, that there's only one me!!
I love to make people laugh and cheer them up when their sad.
Nobody gets left behind, that's something that's stuck in my mind.
I may have not been through it all, but you will always see my hand outstretched when you fall.
I don't allow suicide.
I will shine the light and fight to death just to keep you alive.
But only when you can take me for me!!
Please, take me as I am and I won't have to pretend.
I can take my mask off and you will see, that deep down I'm a soft girl.
Maybe even more?
But please, I don't want to be torn.
All because you won't love me for me.
All I ask is that you take me as I am and all my dreams can be.
Because, just because, you love me.